I sat in the downstairs family room, not watching A Nightmare on Elm Street, but My Best Friend’s Wedding. I wanted to protest all the teens worldwide who were taking in one stupid horror movie after another, just because it happened to be Halloween night.
“What are you doing down here?” my little sister Kendra asked, jumping down the staircase two steps at a time. Dressed in a ballerina costume, she held a large Jack-o-Lantern bucket filled to the brim with mini chocolate bars.
“Go away,” I said. “I’m watching a movie.”
“What movie are you — ”
Kendra tripped on the last stair and slammed her forehead against the floor, the candy spilling all over the carpet. She started weeping uncontrollably, and immediately ran back upstairs, shouting for our mother.
I watched Cameron Diaz fail her way through karaoke, but I eventually lost interest in the movie: my attention veered to the pile of sweets to the right of me.
I saw all my childhood favorites: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Milky Ways, Twix, even a NutRageous bar that appeared big enough to feed a whole family. I’d been on a diet for the last eight months — my boyfriend Jake insisted I lose twenty pounds — and I hadn’t enjoyed a dessert since the end of sophomore year. I yearned for chocolate, for the sugar my body so desperately craved. I listened for my sister, but only silence emanated from the top of the staircase.
I dove off the La-Z-Boy chair, spread out on my stomach, and started tearing through every piece of Halloween candy I could find. I started with the Reese’s cup — my favorite — then ate the giant NutRageous bar in a mere five seconds. I went berserk.
The soundtrack of the movie went mute in my mind, as the theme song from Chariots of Fire echoed at me out of nowhere. I took a big bite of a Payday, then broke off a piece of a Kit Kat. I ate Smarties, Starburst, Sour Pitch Kids — and enough Snickers bars to satiate me long into November.
I only stopped eating the candy because I got exhausted from opening all those wrappers. I licked my lips, sprawled out on my back, and fell asleep.
I woke up refreshed the following morning. I didn’t feel sick to my stomach at all — instead, I felt rejuvenated, like my body was pleased with all that chocolate nourishment. I wasn’t tired or moody in my first period class. Best of all: Kendra didn’t mind that I had devoured all her candy.
I had M&Ms for breakfast, Nutella on toast for lunch. It was glorious.
A few weeks have passed. I’m single now. I have no qualms about it, though.
I’m the one who dumped him.